ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SURVIVOR

When A Party Girl Turns Into an Alcoholic

My mom and sisters were the people who I ran to for everything. My mother was always there for me no matter what, she  was and still is my best friend. My sisters tried to be there whenever they could, until recently that is. I had vented to them all of the time and yes, they probably got tired of hearing me but I needed them and they tried to be there as much as possible. There were many times they fed into his lies and didn’t believe me which hurt more than anything. They thought I was just a drunk who made up lies, they never understood why I started drinking to begin with. I had never understood how they could not believe me. I was their sister, and they chose my abuser over me many times. I had tried to stop drinking multiple times, I hated that side of me and wished to stop so many times but for some reason I kept thinking it would take the pain away and it never did. I was more depressed than ever but never had the strength to walk away. I was weak and I let him control me in ways I will never be able to explain. We had never slept in the same bed our entire marriage unless we had no choice. I hated laying next to him wondering if I woke him, would he flip out. I always knew one day, he would do something unforgivable. (we will get  back to that later.) We had moved into what I believed to be my dream house. It was amazing and beautiful but that didn’t last very long either. He would come home from work, and I would go to work where I met a guy named Corey, we started to hang out A LOT. He would listen to me vent, and talk to me about what I should do, but he also was a very toxic person to me. He would talk shit to me as well, making me feel small. We had great times and we had very bad times. He was at the time my go to person. I went to court with him all of the time to fight for his children, which as a friend I had never minded. It was when he began to act like Mike with the things he would say to me that I truly began to think it was all me. I remember one night after work we were standing in the parking lot, myself, Corey, Dawn, who used to babysit me as a child and a friend of theirs when Mike pulled in, screaming at me to get in the car and I refused. I was scared, but I had people around me that would not let anything happen to me. I had Dawn bring me home and when I walked into that house I literally RAN to my room and locked the door. He left me alone, which made me even more scared. What was he planning? What was he going to do? When I was around Corey even though he was another toxic person, I never drank. I wasn’t afraid of him ever, I just didn’t like the way he spoke to me. He knew what I went through at home, and still he chose to talk to me like I was a piece of shit. So now I was dealing with it at home and at Corey’s which used to be my safe place. Everytime I was home with Mike, we fought. There was one day where I had the kids and I had drank, I called my friend Jill and asked her to come pick them up and I would give her my debit card to take them to lunch so I could get my shit together and sober up. She came over and grabbed my card and took the boys, so I laid down and took a nap, I was awoken by an EMT who had woken me up with smelling salt. Fortunately one of the officers that was there knew me very well from coming into my work. Jill was playing both sides, inside she told them that when she got there, Matthew was running down the street and Michael was in the backyard doing whatever he wanted. This was all untrue because I was conscious when she came and I had given her my debit card. When she was outside with me she had told them exactly what had happened. The neighbors always saw the worst parts of me and he always put on his best in front of them. They hated me so they told the police I was just a drunk and Mike was this great guy. After this incident I had moved back in with my mom and started a day program at Roger Williams hospital which I absolutely loved, then the worst thing happened, Mike shut off my medical. I had to stop going and I was petrified of becoming “that person” again. Not too long after Mike got kicked out of the house we had lived in, mind you at this time he had a restraining order on me because he wanted things documented and whenever I had tried to call he would stop me or be too afraid to call on him. He dropped that restraining so fast and asked me to move back in, and I said yes because at that time he had my children and I wanted them home with me. The apartment was way to crowded and my mom had moved in with my aunt. Then once again, he asked me to move back to Florida….

km

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