ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SURVIVOR, Uncategorized

He Ruined Everything.

November was supposed to be my month. I was turning 30 and had plans to go out and have a great night. My birthday fell on Thanksgiving and I was actually excited to go out and celebrate. I was going out with my upstairs neighbor Mikala. We looked great and we were ready to have fun. I wasn’t drinking much at the time so I got drunk really fast. She had brought me home before midnight. She called Mike to carry me in and she came in with me. She changed my clothes and she waited until I fell asleep or in my case passed out which was pretty much right away. When she left I was out cold, now I had my period at this time and had not had sex with Mike in over a year. When I awoke the next morning I was sore and didn’t feel right, this is when Mike came into my room and informed me we had “sex” the night before. My body went numb, I couldn’t move and my brain shut down. He said I begged for it, I was unconscious and extremely intoxicated. There was no way in hell I would beg that man for sex after everything he had put me through. I couldn’t move from bed, all I did was cry. I was still in pain and I wish more than anything that I had called the cops. My husband raped me on my 30th birthday. I will never be able to celebrate my birthday ever again because of this man who vowed to protect me almost 11 years earlier. Have you ever been so scared to be in your own home? I was petrified. What if he did it again? Two days after I felt like I was going to commit suicide and Mikala drove me to Butler, who brought me to the hospital. I had told them about the abuse but not about the rape because I was afraid. They sent someone in to speak to me but I was so out of it that I didn’t even know what was going on. They sent an officer and social worker to my apartment after midnight and what do you know, they didn’t do a god damn thing. I stayed there for 5 days and Mike had picked me up and as soon as I got in that car he started a fight with me. He was screaming at me after I had just left a hospital for wanting to commit suicide because of what he did to me. Once I got home I had started to go to therapy and see a psychiatrist. He put me on Lithium and Lamictal. When I started seeing him I would shake non stop because of my anxiety, and he judged me before even getting to know me, he thought I was withdrawing. The lithium had terrible affects on me, I couldn’t walk without help, I couldn’t sit up without falling back, I had tremors to bad that I could not hold anything in my hands. I stayed in bed all of the time unless it was to go see the dr. I couldn’t even speak right. He took me off the lithium and gave me proponolol for the shaking. Finally my therapist told him I wasn’t withdrawing because everytime I calmed down my shaking stopped. This is when he finally gave me something for my anxiety. After this man raped me I still stayed out of fear and the control he had over me. After that one of the worst things possible happened…

2 thoughts on “He Ruined Everything.”

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