ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SURVIVOR, Uncategorized

Weakness

Every day I was in pain, my stomach was always bothering me. About two weeks after the rape I went to the bathroom and I felt something, he pushed a tampon inside me and I had no idea. I sat on my bathroom floor and cried and was scared to death. What if I had gotten Toxic Shock Syndrome? I was always in pain when it was inside me. I called my cousin Sam and asked her if she would come to the doctors with me. I was shaking the entire time. I explained what had happened and they acted as if I said nothing at all. The doctor didn’t feel my stomach for tenderness or pain he didn’t do a God damn thing. I had to do my own vagina swab which to me was insane. What was wrong with this place? AtMed failed me, I was scared to death and they were no help what so ever. I was so angry when I left there because I didn’t know what was wrong. If a person walked into a doctors office and said they were raped by their husband and left a tampon inside her, you would think they would at least take it a little more serious. The doctor was an older man, maybe he didn’t believe in spousal rape. I don’t know, but I was angry. They gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way. A couple weeks later I had gotten something in the mail from AtMed saying to call immediately for my results and they have been trying to reach me. Reading that was the scariest thing in the world to me, but I picked up my phone and called them. The tampon did cause an infection inside of me which is why I was always in pain. They sent in a prescription of the right antibiotics and that was that. I had medical proof of the rape and still my sisters did not believe me. My sister Jessica actually had the audacity to go into my work and tell everyone I was a liar. Who the hell in their right mind would do that?? I was sick to my stomach over it. I have been out of work since my birthday and am struggling every single day. I have been up for 48 hours straight because of these damn nightmares. I’m tired of scaring my children when I wake up screaming and crying from nightmares. The first time I had gotten my period after everything I went to put a tampon in and had the worst panic attack ever. I cried so hard and could not understand why I was so damn weak. Why couldn’t I escape these demons that had control over me?

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