ABUSE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SURVIVOR, Uncategorized

Long Nights

It’s 3am just me and my demons,
Counting the mistakes I’ve made,
Wondering why I’ve lasted this long,
Struggling to remain strong when I feel so weak,
Listening to that song on repeat,
Lyrics so fitting it’s scary,
Self-blame and self-hate radiate within me,
Was it my fault he raped me?
Did I deserve the words he spoke to me?

I have to forget you ,
I need to forget you,
I have to forgive you,
I need to forgive you,
To feel peace within me,
It’s so hard to forgive the devil,
I’m trying but it’s one hell of a level,
Struggling to forget you,
Struggling to forgive you,

Broken dreams mixed with broken pieces of me,
Thinking of ways to ease this pain within me,
All I hear is the rain on the rooftop,
Reminding me how much you didn’t care,
I need to move forward and never look in the rare view mirror,
How could forever end with this much hate and pain,
You made me believe I was insane,
I didn’t deserve the pain you caused.

You were slowly killing me but you knew that,
Hate radiates from within you,
I guess this was meant to be my fate,
Beaten, bruised, belittled, and raped,
Need to feel something other than disgust,
I have to forgive you for something you’re not sorry for,
You broke me down to my core,

4am listening to that same song,
Nights feel so long when you can’t sleep,
I’ve been beaten and bruised by you,
In every way you showed me I’ll always lose,
You took away my glow,
Why is time going by so slow?

*KMARSELLO1122

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