Black Cloud

I’m not sure where to start with this post.. last night I had to lock myself in the bathroom where I couldn’t breathe nor stop shaking. I never realized the people you’ve known forever are the ones who will scare you, test your strength, and remind you of how weak you truly are. My children go with their father once a week, and thank god they were not here. My cousins brother in law scared me and brought me back to the days of being trapped in my own home. 30 minutes of pure hell as this man banged on my door, banged on my bedroom window, ringing my buzzer, and searching for me through a window. During all of this he was texting me saying I know you’re home, I just saw you. He told me exactly what I was wearing which means he was watching me before he even rang my buzzer. He somehow got into my hallway and was trying to open my door. This man has been trying to sleep with me for 10 years and I never would nor have I ever thought about it. This was the longest 30 minutes ever. My friend who can see my apartment from her window was yelling that she was calling the police. He wouldn’t budge and kept banging. I was locked in my own bathroom, scared out of my mind. I couldn’t breathe, and the only thought in my head was I’m going to get raped again. I was terrified, thinking he was going to break my window. The whole time I stayed on the phone with my friend. She told me when the cops pulled in, I was too afraid to go outside so I went to my bedroom window and explained what was going on. They searched for him for a while and sat in the parking lot to make sure he didn’t come back. Will I ever feel safe in a place that carries so many horrible memories and now others are adding to the fear that I feel every day of my life? I feel like I will never feel safe again. What if my children were home? My mind is racing….

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