“She Never Needed To Be Saved, She Saved Herself”

          I am the author of my life, and the only person who can edit it is me. If I choose to let the men who hurt me take over who I am as a person, then I have lost myself entirely. For eleven years I was a stranger to myself, and it was the worst thing I possibly could have let happen to me. I lost my self worth to a man who was not worthy of my time or effort. I lost who I was for a man I believed to love me. Control and abuse are things we think we cannot escape because we are brainwashed into believing we are not worth loving. I believed I was nothing, a waste of space in a world that taught men it was okay to hurt women. I wasn’t a weak person, I wasn’t a woman who let a man destroy her, so why did this man have so much power over me? I will tell you why, I let him know the darkest sides of me and he used them to his advantage by using my own words and my past to get inside my head and use them against me. I do not trust a single person in this world because in one way or another anyone I have ever cared about has left me or screwed me over. Every bad thing that has happened to me, I had to get through it alone. I have survived my entire life by handling things on my own, but I don’t want to survive I want to live. I want to go on adventures and feel alive. I want to fall in love with myself and the world around me. I don’t ever want to feel trapped in a world that has so much to offer. Watching the moon and stars brighten a dark night has always spoke volumes to me because I am full of darkness, but a light always shines through. I have seen hell and walked out with wings, I have walked through fire and came out carrying buckets of water for others engulfed in flames. I choose to see a brighter side of the darkness that covers our world in chaos. I believe there is still so much love in a world that chooses to hate. We look for the negativity in things that hold so much positivity, because we are so used to being forced by the media and news that we forget to see all the good that surrounds us. I walk outside now and always take a deep breath to remind myself that I am free from the past. I am not burdened by the weight of the world on my shoulders, I am free of the life that once tried to bury me alive. I am changing who I was into the woman I am meant to be, and this time I am unstoppable. My wings cannot be tamed nor can the woman inside me. I am a fallen angel who rose against the flames to be reborn into a phoenix. I may burn, but I will always rise from the darkness into something that shines brighter than the sun. You cannot hurt a woman who has been through so much pain and still sees the beauty in all that surrounds her. I never needed to be saved, I saved myself.

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