My Story Isn’t Over Yet.

I have wanted this tattoo for as long as I can remember.. I never intended on being a victim of domestic violence or sexual abuse, but here I am, 30 years old and have been through the worst possible things imaginable. The part that matters most is I am still here standing. Yes, I am damaged but each day that passes I get to put the pieces of me back together the way I want too. I won’t fall victim to another manipulative monster who will control me. I learned my lesson, I hope. My problem is I think I can fix broken people when I can’t even fix myself. I love others more than I love myself and that is a problem. I will give someone the world while mine is falling apart. I’m free but yet I still feel trapped. My PTSD gets worse every single day and I don’t know what to do. How do you overcome something so horrible ? I am still under his control and I am scared and I am weak when I should be strong. I pretend to be strong every single day but it’s an act. I survived everything I went through and yet I still feel weak. Will the nightmares ever stop? Will I ever feel safe? There are days that I feel like superwoman, but then there are days where I feel awful I don’t wanna move. My head is full of thoughts that I can’t control and I’m not sure what to do about that. Whej I fall asleep things happen that I have no clue about. I wake up like somebody drugged me. I don’t know how I fall asleep the way I do and I think it’s the PTSD but I know one day I’ll be OK but today is not the day. I’m sorry that I’m not strong, but I am a survivor and my story isn’t over yet. Everyday I will get stronger and I promise you that .I am not a victim I am a survivor!

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